“Terrorists vs Indians” | Russell Peters – Outsourced

“Terrorists vs Indians” | Russell Peters – Outsourced

>>Russell Peters: I did so much traveling, my passport expired. Last summer I had to renew my passport. I don’t know about in America, but in Canada, on your new passport photos, you’re not allowed to smile. That’s new rule, you’re not allowed to smile.This is their way of fighting terrorism. [Laughter] This is how they’re going to catch the terrorists. You can’t smile. That’s the message they’re sending you. If you can’t– if you’re traveling, you’d better not be happy. [Laughter] I didn’t know, right? I’m in the mall, I walk into one of those places that says, “We do passport photos.” I walk in, I’m like, “Yo, I need some passport photos.” The guy goes, [Indian accent] “No problem, buddy, sit down.” [Laughter] Which really pissed me off, because he was a white guy, and I don’t know why he was talking like that, right, so– [Laughter] I think he was mocking me. [Laughter] So, I sit down, the guy goes, “You ready?” I go, “Yeah.” It’s a picture, and I’m a happy guy so I figure, “alright.” He goes, “You ready?” And I smile. I’m like this– [Laughter] The guy goes, “Uh sir, sir– your lips need to be touching.” [Low laughter] [Laughter increases] “Alright.” [Laughter] “Sir– Sir, you can’t smile.” Not like that, I can’t smile, of course. That’s their way. This is how they really think they’re gonna find the terrorism. By making you not smile. You want to find the terrorists? Make everybody smile. The people that don’t want to smile – question them! [Laughter] When have you ever been watching CNN, and they show you the terrorists that they’re looking for, and those guys are happy? Never! [Laughter] You never see, like, a shot of the terrorists standing around going– [Laughter and Clapping] You know, there’s never the one joker terrorist guy, with his thumb on the detonator– [Middle eastern accent] “I’ll do it! I’ll do it! I’ll–” “Ha! You flinched, you bastard! I saw you flinch!” [Laughter] So, I wasn’t allowed to smile. So now, if it wasn’t bad enough, being a brown man, going through the airports, now, when I give thme my passport, I looked pissed off. [Laughter] My picture, in my passport’s like this– [Laughter] [No audio] They get my passport, “Oh, Mr. Peters–” “Uh, step this way please.” [Laughter] “Have a few words with you.” It’s hard, man, ’cause security at the airport, Customs, Immigration– they really need to learn the difference, between a terrorist, and an Indian. [Laughter] We’re not the same! [Audience cheering] We’re not! [Cheering continues] We’re not from the same part of the world, we don’t speak the same language, we don’t eat the same food– we don’t even hate the same people! [Laughter] Terrorists hate Americans. Indians hate each other! [Laughter] A terrorist, will blow up an airport. Indians like to work, at the airport! [Laughter] [indian accent] “That would be counter-productive.” [Laughter] I know a lot of white people are nervous, about flying, nowadays, and I understand, to a certain degree, but I had one white dude come up to me, he goes, “No man, I don’t fly anymore.” “You never know when shit’s gonna go down up there.” [Laughter] I go, “What? Nothing’s going down up there, dude! [White guy] “Yeah, well, you never know.” [Laughter] And I understand, you know what I mean? You’re a little panicked, a little bit, but think about it reasonably, you know what I mean? Think about it logically. Think about what airline you’re getting on, where you’re getting on the plane, where you’re flying to, you know what I mean? That all factors into your whole “terrorist theory.” I was on a JetBlue flight– [Laughter] See, JetBlue is funny enough! [Laughter] I was on a JetBlue flight, from Buffalo, New York to Laguardia. It was like, a 30-seat “playen.” [Indian accent] “Plane” [Laughter] Oh my God, my “Indian Tourette’s,” is acting up! [Laughter] [American accent] “30 seat–” [Indian accent] “plane!” [Laughter and Clapping] We all go through it. [Laughter] So, I get on board this little plane. It’s a 45-minute flight I walk on board, this older white lady sees me, grabs her bag, and goes, [Shocked voice] “Oh my God!” [Laughter] I’m like, “What?!” “You think I’m a terrorist?! On friggin’ JetBlue?!” [Laughter] “What am I, the ‘low self-esteem terrorist?” [Laughter and Clapping] “Yeah, I don’t want to kill a lot of us today.” [Laughter] “I thought I’d start off with 30–” [Laughter] Tomorrow, “Southwest!” [Laughter and Applause] Just think about it, logically, you know? [No audio] I remember I was on a flight, like, two weeks after 9/11– I sat down beside this white guy, he almost shit his pants! [Laughter] I sat down, the guy’s like this– [Dramatically wheezing] [Laughter] About half an hour into the flight, I reach for my bag, the guy goes, [Yelling] “Oh my God, no!” [Laughter] I’m like, “Relax you jackass!” “I’m just getting my Discman.” “Gotta listen to my instructions.” [Laughter and Applause] ♪♪

Comments (100)

  1. Indonesian's was here..

  2. What about the small dick thing?

  3. Does this guy mean that terrorist looks certain type? Stupid af because everyone who kill a human is terrorist and they are everywhere

  4. he is simply best🤣😂

  5. We Indians don't get offended easily when you joke about us. That's not easy tho (But if you say word about country my india then your finish)

  6. We don’t speak terrorists’ language??
    What do you mean by that?
    Terrorism doesn’t have language or color.

  7. If Joker was Indian, then he'd already got the smile 😂

  8. He's never seen a "joker" terrorist?
    Boy o boy someone needs to introduce Russell to detective comics

  9. Its pakistan vs indian 😂😂 bcz terrorists has 2nd name i.e pakistan..

  10. Pig face Russell peter

  11. When are you coming to Houston Texas bro please come

  12. 1:02
    Almost killed me. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  13. Do me a favor Russell… New material, plzzzz, ur a great communicator

  14. Es cabron rassul peters

  15. Only I find this sarcasm 😡

  16. Motherfucker don't talk shit about Indians.

  17. He,s just trying to earn his bread and butter by highlighting India in his jokes,since he knows that India is the most loved and admired country in the world and his viewership increases if he does contents on India…and Indians…

  18. Bhau Be Like: Nikal Lawde Pehli Fursat Me Nikal

  19. Yeah indians hate each other because of fucking cast system

  20. "Indians hate each other"- explains why divide and rule was a success in India back when the British ruled over 😂

  21. Indian aren't pissing off in comment sections , because they don't give fuck about u baby 😘

  22. yes we Indians hate each others it's so true bcoz of politicians and uneducated peoples

  23. People are commenting over 'Indians hate each other' no one noticed he also compared Indians with terrorist? Are you fucking kidding me. Just get your facts right before uttering shit out of your mouth.

  24. That face 1:06 is pure gold

  25. That’s true we Indian hate each other 😂 Specially after 2014 news PM Modi makes us more hate each other

  26. So counter productive

  27. How many Indians watching this 🎥❤❤

  28. Divided by states language religions united by hating Pakistan

  29. ridiculing one's own is not funny

  30. Russell peters is piece of shit.. u better don't bring India everywhere..

  31. Why do white people always get branded as racist or Islamaphobic? It's ignorant people that are racist or Islamaphobic.

  32. Indians dont hate each other but I thing you need some educatiom from clint eastwood how to respact black and white peoples of the world

  33. terrorists are Islamic

  34. Where large diversity in the society 1000+religion, language , Mongolide, nigro, … even Indian took 7 times birth to know about India. He is a inside tropical and outside European gives knowledge about India….. So sweet ❤️♥️

  35. If dick head had a face , then it would be definitely him Mr Russell

  36. Indians don't hate each other

  37. Yeah Indian hate each other…that's true

  38. Don't try to make fun of India, not a single word

  39. Hahahahaha…….we hate each other is true….but in funny way

  40. God damn quak i dont have any fucking friends to join thats why im downloading the fucking app

  41. How to get views ……
    A good thumbnail written indian
    Talk about indian

  42. In the world no one love each other all human society love only who have money and power, india have 29 tottaly diferent states with languages and culture but india is still united after more than 70 years of indipendence and i proud to b an indian : jay hind


  44. Report this asshole..

  45. I don't give a fuck, so get out of my recommendation bitch

  46. Indian hates each other…so true about us… 😂😂😂😂😂

  47. it's true! we hate each other, which is really dumb tbh

  48. I find it very strange when a perosn of color who must have faced same stereotypes and judgemental behavior love to being judgemental with other more marginalized group of people, no one hate anyone is this world without a reason, there are always cause and effects for everything in this world, making money on the backs of other is very old trick in capitalist books!

  49. Seems like they dont know, that terrorists were created by Americans. Well, fine.

  50. 'Gonna listen to my instructions.'😹😹😹

  51. Wow I cant believe you dont have more likes on this my brother keep doing what you do lol

  52. you are the best comedian i ever listine to you

  53. Terrorists used to be called freedom fighters…. Its funny how weve become so desensitized that we dont recognize them in our own schools, churches and work. Lotta shootings and bombings from multiple ethnic backrounds.

  54. ( we do nt look like terrorists ….we do nt speak like them !!!)
    terrorists has no one language …. they have no one religion
    me as Arabic i feel their is big misunderstand
    terrorists in my country (Syria) came from all nations …Russia especially
    Bashar asad is the biggest terrorist in the world …

  55. His sentence about unhappy terrorists who never smile seems trivial , but it's not AT ALL. One of the signs of "radicalisation" is the person has lost every sense of humour, except for "Schadenfreude"

  56. 4:54 had me dying 😂😂😂

  57. A terrorist and an Indian? Americans haven't even figured out the difference between a Native American and an Indian.

  58. Your actions beated mr.bean.
    From india

  59. I'm gonna kick his ass one of these days, this bastard

  60. Funny funny man 😂. An hour with you could cure terrorists !

  61. The best is at 04:47 Hahaha!

  62. i love this dudes thumbs up
    he makes fun of all nations and people love to 😊

  63. I thought Youtube has a new policy preventing discrimination and hate culture, why this channel still active?

  64. Ok Mr. Pitors😂😂

  65. I hate flying because of the TSA, not because of terrorists😁

  66. Terrorists include anyone who incite terror and kill innocent people. They don’t speak a certain language or are from a certain place, and the terrorists who hate America aren’t the only ones who are terrorists, terrorists doesn’t mean middle eastern or Muslim, you can look at any people and find terrorists, including Christianity, which was the inspiration for the holocaust, Native American genocide , forceful conversion in the crusades, African slavery, and recently multiple mass shooters, which in America is the leading cause of terrorism intertwined with white supremacy and xenophobic hate. But the term terrorist is being coined and made a label for the Middle East and their people, but all the other horrible things other peoples do are overlooked and somehow not acts of terrorism and persecution with the intent of intimidation and stoking terror and fear.

  67. "I don't fly anymore. You never know when shit's gonna go down up there"
    Well we know your intelligence is going down

  68. So you know what terrorists look like? What language do they speak? What food do they eat? We don’t know, can you tell us please? I didn’t there’s such a language as t language… very curious, please tell mr…

  69. These older standups are so funny!!!

  70. Indians abroad hate each other because every person thinks that other person isnt worthy enough to make it to that country

  71. Fuck off never Indians each hate other and the rule of passport should be normal we r not dumb to recognise who is terrorist and normal people..

  72. That's why Indians are so cool,,,they are so talented

  73. 5:12 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  74. Hey bro I’ve never heard of you ,just stumbled across these videos, and dude you one funny mutha. Upload more.

  75. The only Indian who earn his living by mocking India🤣😂

  76. Russell Peters a true legend coz I feel as funny as I felt 11 years ago when seeing his talk show. Respect from a Chinese.

  77. He's the best, the best, the best in the world right now.

  78. what about you people?

  79. Well! That would be great if I could scare some people and have fun on my own

  80. Cow worshipping idiots vs real man…not a chair ex brit slave

  81. I'm an INDIAN and I hate terrorist and American both..

  82. Indians are good people

  83. Awesome…♥️♥️🤩🤩

  84. Safest option is Emirates or some shit No Cap
    They ain't gon bomb their own plane

  85. "we hate each other"…so true

  86. what a load of cow sorry bull

  87. Hey hey hey why are you so much pissed of from India,
    Dude who said we hate eachother, we collide together to fight even with huge disasters

  88. 2:40 . .. very true

  89. Well now you are ( I mean indians )
    See what they doing in Kashmir and now even in India. I am talking about Modhi and his team. 👎👎👎

  90. 4:00 old white people are afraid of everything💀

  91. like here who loves India

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